Numb Tongue.

My Tenth Blog. I Swear A Lot. Jane And I Meet In The Pub.

At the end of the last blog and number 9 in the journey I had, if you remember received a message from my old school friend Jane asking me to call her about the diet plan I had posted all over Fake Book. The tall glamorous one with the Audi TT, a gorgeous dog and a handsome husband? Yes her.

I had finally for the first time in my life without smashing the gym every day lost a lot of weight in the 28 day programme and was therefore attracting a lot of social media attention from my posts and also many new sign ups for the business. It was great I was loving it and being trim again I felt more confident and attractive. Why do us women feel this way when we lose weight? It shouldn't matter in the slightest and no one should give a feck and yet billions of dollars are spent per year on diets all over the globe and not just for women, men too. But we do it over and over again.

My own pre weight loss photos were extremely brave for me as I don't normally like to even stand up in a bikini on a beach as I wear a sarong, a floppy hat and big belt when going to the bar for Sangria. However in these before photos I was convinced by my sponsor to wear a tight bikini showing off my lovely rolls of back fat while my belly was hanging over the bikini bottoms and I looked like I had four tits as my boobs spilled over and out of the top. They were pretty gross really and I thought to hell with it I might as well include the cellulite on my flabby legs. My chin was fat for the first time in my life, you know that bum chin look that people get?

However all the horrible parts had all miraculously just melted away after the 28 days it was insane, so easy to do too. Even my pink blotch skin looked better. I lost over 11 kilos in 28 days, that's crazy for anyone to lose that much and still feel fantastic but I did. It truly was a miracle.

I was very much being persuaded by my upline that the social media pics were the 'best' thing to do for my business. "Get naked and be proud she said, it doesn't matter who sees your back fat, you want to be successful don't you?"

Life was truly awesome and I was loving every minute of talking about this business to anyone I could, anywhere I could and whenever I could. I was on a high and this was the business to get me out of 'smelly town'.

It was still feckin scary to put your own back fat pictures on social media.

I went through waves of feeling embarrassed over the years sometimes of complete and utter head hanging shame for a long time and wishing I could suck back in all the words I had ever spewed out over people. Most people were just not interested in listening to me talk 'at' them about a tub of vitamins or diet plan or a product that would cure their dog ear infection or their mother of her arthritis or their kids of their autism, in fact I seemed to have a cure for everything.

It was all in my 'backpack of knowledge'. Seriously, that's what we were told to call it, this invisible bag that we carried around that was full of information all of the time for whenever we needed to go into it. I'm not fecking joking either it really was a thing. Imagine this invisible backpack full of peoples testimonials and when we met the right match person for the right testimonial we had to miraculously pull it out of the bag. It was too much for my brain to handle.

I had no Network Marketing experience in fact zilch and was completely taking my lead from Holly as she was from her own upline. I was totally obsessed in the diet plan and thought stupidly that this was the route to go to be super successful and the queen of the UK MLM Industry. Don't laugh it's all true...

How the plan worked was very simple. Members of the public who I had battered with my posts and trolled with pictures would order the products from the company directly after I had jumped on a call with them or met them for a coffee and they would then complete the plan, lose the weight, feel brilliant, and feck off never to be seen again and put the weight back on.

Occasionally a couple of people would come back after a few too many cream cakes and tell me they were fat again and wanted to place another order but not many people. Most simply stayed fat again and signed up for Slimming Sisters. Why did I think this was a sustainable business model for a passive income I have not got a fecking clue. I 'thought' everyone would stay on the products to keep healthy and glowing as we all made super clear in the programme pdf and therefore creating this sought after passive income of monthly commissions. Nope, it doesn't work like that, people like cake, bread and wine. Simple. I know because I do.

However I will get back to this particular topic of a passive income later in another blog.

For now be warned any Network will only work if the members are building a business or they are happy with their product that they either buy monthly.

Jane And I Go To The Pub.

There I am walking in to my local public house in the fondly known smelly town to meet Jane. I was excited and really looking forward to seeing her again as we had for years only nodded and smiled at each other while out walking dogs or driving past each other with a wave. I had missed her and her family as we were close as young kids, holidaying together, having sleep overs, peeing in each others beds. Actually that was just her not me and having 'tea' at each others homes was the norm back in the day when the only thing that mattered was that we could play out, have fun, make dresses and giggle.

Jane was already sat at a little round table for two in the far side of the pub, she was wearing high heels and towered over me when she stood up to give me a hug and a huge smile.

We chatted for so long about her family and mine, what we had all been up to, where everyone was living in the world, it was like old times but without the homemade dresses, long socks and fringes.

I had turned up as I did in those excitable first few years, with my briefcase and folder, wearing jeans, heels, a tiny t-shirt, a little jacket to show off my new slim waist line, bobbed shiny hair and of course a cake load of power hour makeup including the glossy lipstick and thick pencilled pointy eyebrows.

Jane only asked me about the detox maybe an hour into our catch up as we kept veering off onto different conversations and I immediately jumped into action with my A4 notebook, 'posh' pen and iPad. Ready for action.

I did remember to tell my story about how I started on this incredible journey, and 'why' I was doing it, I probably didn't tell it very well back then but I did learn over the years to do a much better job and in fact there is a blog in the making about telling stories and having your 'why'.

Every conversation I had and every interaction I had in a day with a friend, business associate, client, prospect or even a stranger I saw as an opportunity to articulate value.

It’s an opportunity to encourage your contacts to take action to improve their own lives however we learn along the way how to speak to our contacts depending on how well you know them and making that judgement call. I have made mistakes many many many times and was often seen talking 'at' people stood waiting for a bus, as they looked at me blankly. Don't pounce on people. They just think you're weird.

When you learn to tell your story ensure it is a professional story and communicate it using emotion and detail so it appeals to the heart as this is where most business decisions are made.

Watch out for the story sob fest blog coming soon.

I showed Jane sooooo many before and after photographs of tons of different people from all around the world, including of course my fat belly and ass ones, I told her all about what she needed to order and take daily product wise and that I had a spare bottle of piggy pee if she needed it. Obviously I didn't call it that, I did call it by it's real name HCG and then went on to bore her senseless for half an hour while talking about why it works, how it works and all the boring shite in-between ....Huge mistake. Huge

I honestly believe after many years in the business that most Networkers when they first start in their own business actually talk their way out of sponsoring people because they talk far too much. It's mostly crap that people don't want to hear. The enthusiasm takes over and everything they have learnt comes pouring out in one long go because they are trying to impress the person with their knowledge about the product or business.

And...that's it people are either product orderers or business builders.

My knowledge doesn't impress anyone, it confuses the shit out of people and all they want to do is to tell you to shut the feck up and tell them how to buy the product. Luckily I was talking to lovely Jane and she was polite enough to let me carry on rambling about Vitamins, Trace elements and the hypothalamus part of your brain and what it does blah blah blah

I forgot.....KISS Keep It Simple Stupid.

'Most' consumers don’t care how clever the product is or how clever you are. They just want to know it works and how much. So don't bamboozle them to make you feel clever.

You can’t always avoid bad networkers, but you can certainly avoid being one. I love this saying, it's so very true.

The 'Posh' Pen

I'd tipped Jane over the edge I am sure of it. She was still sat smiling and nodding though and I was now sat with my pen and paper asking her if she liked her job, if she was happy going to work doing a 9 to 5, if she ever wanted more in her life. All of the bullshit questions we are taught to ask at a meeting to find out if this person has a 'why', a reason to jump ship and be a networker.

This was all new to me still and it felt awkward for me too but I was following the steps. Yet I was determined to make it work come hell or high water so I carried on and on and on and on. Maybe not as smoothly as I should have, in fact miles away from how it should be done with some subtlety at least and not jumping in with both big feet and coming across as a cold wet fish. Poor Jane, she had no idea I wanted to find out if she wanted freedom too, if she was happy in her job, maybe I should have just talked normally to her as my friend of many years...

I had a lot to learn.

Then I had the notebook open and I am drawing circles with my very posh pen and talking to Jane about "three tell three and then those three tell three each and you help those three to tell three more and in your first 3 levels you have blah blah feckin blah members and a business model that is better than any other. But remember, it's not a pyramid because all business's are pyramids, even the church"

I have no idea where I first heard all that bullshit, maybe it was from a team meeting or a video I had seen but I threw it all into the mix that day anyway. I don't think Jane even knew what a Networking 'Pyramid' was, she just wanted to lose some weight. I'll ask her when I speak to her later today.

Well I thought Jane was obviously getting excited and wanted to sign up to the business and work with me there and then, I literally forgot she just wanted some information on how to lose weight. Why would she not want to leave her life sucking job? What was not to like about drawing circles in pubs and accosting members of the public if they had a limp and selling magic pills and shakes? She had already told me she didn't like her job much so what was to stop her becoming my next biggest 'leg' in the UK? Nothing, I told myself as I carried on confusing her.

This is what presuming does....it gets you carried away with the dream. We forget it's a business sometimes and let those emotions take over. A huge tip from a great mentor was "Take the emotion out of it and don't care if people do or people don't"

I needed reminding with a big hammer to the head that Jane wanted to lose weight and not necessarily to change her life dramatically by quitting her job the next day.

The Phone Call From Spain.

Jane and I said our goodbyes and it really was lovely to see her again and to know all her family were great too. We hugged and she told me she was off to her house in Spain for a week the next day and would be in touch to order the diet plan when she got home. No mention of the business and I don't honestly blame her. It was a shite meeting and I look back in embarrassment at my twaddle talk and circle drawing skills.

A week later I received a text from Jane in Spain asking me to order her two lots of the products for her and her husband and two piggy pee bottles. She said "We are sat on the roof terrace sunbathing and hate how much weight we have put on so please order the products and here is my husbands card details"

I was over the moon. Woohooo I had actually thought that I had scared her off with my weird circles and three times table maths rubbish.

When she arrived home I met her quickly in a pub car park to hand over the the products, and printed off everything they needed to know about the products and food plan.

We were both busy that evening and maybe I forgot to say about the piggy pee drops in 'precise' detail or she didn't hear me explain the amounts and length of time under the tongue, because a few days later when they both started the plan I had a frantic mumbled call from her at 10am.

She said "We can'th do this thwee thimes a thay, it'ths too hardth"

It was like her tongue was swollen or she had been to the dentists for root canal the way she was speaking. I was worried. Maybe she was still out from the night before?....who knows it had been years since we had been close friends, not that I cared if she was in or out I just didn't understand what had happened to lovely Jane since we met.

I asked her what she couldn't do as I was really confused and it turns out it was the drops. 'Oh shit' I thought she has googled HCG and found out she is drinking pig pee

Shit a brick.

But no, thank god what had happened was a huge mistake as they had both kept the drops under their tongue for 10 minutes and not 10 seconds as I thought I had suggested. They had apparently both been sat on their bed in silence looking at their watches while their tongues swelled, not swallowing and getting hotter by the minute desperate to move....no bloody wonder she told me she couldn't do that 3 times a day before food.

No-one could.

It turns out they both loved the detox, lost a lot of weight and telling three became telling hundreds.

I found out years later as Jane's life did actually dramatically change, that when she sent me that original message via Fake Book, that she immediately called her friend Ally who I knew from our school days also and said "What the feck I've text Kate about this diet what should I do she is going to call me back" and Ally said "Don't answer"

Yet she did answer and really did leave her job and did travel the world selling protein shakes to start with...BUT much much more.. more blogs in this journey to come to find out what happened to us next.

Disclaimer 1. 'This blog contains discriminatory content which some may find offensive'

Disclaimer 2. “This is a work of creative non-fiction. All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of the author’s memory. Some names and identifying features have been changed to protect the identity of certain parties. The author in no way represents any company, corporation, or brand, mentioned herein. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.”