The First Feck Up.

My Fifth Blog. I Swear A Lot. I Let Excitementitis Get Hold Of Me On Day One.

It's the morning after the event and I am sat on Holly's bed sipping a cup of tea while she is having a clear out of her designer clothes and very expensive bags from the rammed wardrobe in her room and my mind was whizzing. I was thinking maybe 10 things at once, I felt sick, I felt nervous, however more than anything I was excited beyond anything I had ever been excited about before.

Holly was rattling on about her clothes, bags and shoes but I wasn't listening to a word of it. My head was away with the Unicorns and rainbows...

At one point I looked in awe at her wardrobe, the clothes all colour coordinated, the dresses in bags, the high heeled shoes in boxes, the boots in a cupboard above and all with show horns keeping them perfectly straight and in shape, her jeans were on racks, the expensive tennis attire in a section of the wardrobe all on it's own, the designer handbags all in so many more boxes under her bed, and I thought 'Shit a brick' this is amazing, this could be actually really happening to me.

My own wardrobe was pretty cool at home, I had a midget house and no not to match the midget guys I had dated, however the bedroom was quite large and I had moved walls around. Not me obviously Ted the builder who I knew from the pub and he created a walk-in wardrobe, with a hair salon area, makeup section, even hooks to hang my drier, straighteners and a hundred other hair perfecting tools I never used. I even had fitted those big bulb lights that you find in celebrities' dressing rooms. It was my weird indulgent present to myself for living in converted Bedford bus's in Africa as a small child and not having 'me space'. That or I was bored out of my brain and needed solace in being organised and having nice products to have shiny hair. I'm still not sure which but you as a reader really don't give a flying fuck so it doesn't matter.

What I didn't have was the designer clothes, bags and shoes to fill this super space, my shoes were mostly from TK Max, my work suits were from 'Next' and as a massive fan of vintage clobber a lot of charity shops and car boot sales and my 3 million scarves and belts were all a little retro to say the least. Or, as my brother still calls them 'chunky cheap shite'.

Holly was still rattling on and I was still sat there in the land of butterflies and fairy dust. She looked up from under the bed and said "Do you want this?" It was a designer handbag, a Chloe. The most gorgeous chunky mustard bag I had ever seen.....

"Nooooo" I said, "I couldn't possibly take that beautiful heavy soft leather designer bag from you....unless of course you asked me again and then I might"

"No no take it I don't use it anymore" she said.

I jumped off the bed and gave her a hug, then hugged the bag and said so many 'thank you's' it was ridiculous. Just like a kid in a sweetie shop!

I plopped myself back down on her bed and just knew....My gut instinct again. The penny dropped and I thought... 'I can do this and I can buy my own bloody bags'

The Balcony.

I made a cuppa, grabbed my phone and headed outside for some fresh air and inspiration.

There I was sat looking at my phone on the balcony with my mug of tea and Holly's dog staring at me panting away from his bouncy bed, and a huge wave of excitement came over me. I was flooded with this super power to conquer the world, leave the boring bullshit bank job, Kirkby kiss good-bye to the Uni crazy kids, hand back my BMW and tell everyone at the bank to 'Fuck off' I was off to Bali to find 'Brad'.

Being back in touch with my friend again was not only about the business but also she was the support I needed as I was going for it a million percent. Nothing else was going to change my life, I had sat on the sofa for the last 10 years pretending it was fine, so now it was time to have some fun and do what I was put on this earth to do.

At this point I hadn't a clue what that was, but it was bound to be exciting I just knew it. Me and 'Holls' were going to change the world.

I was so determined that I would be the first person in the WHOLE of the UK to smash this business wide open, as no one had ever succeeded before.....apparently!!!

I was going to create an army of like minded people and a team that wanted 'Freedom' just like I wanted it. Thousands of people from all over the UK that were going to change thousands more all over the world. It was going to be a web that couldn't stop.

I would be up on stage as the first UK 'Diamond' within the year. I could see it all so clearly....And only after one meeting, a free handbag, a miracle diet plan and some sob stories. I had found my 'vehicle' and knew it was the right path.

I had read 10,000 books about all this 'stuff' and I knew other people were out there too all of them ready for me to contact, sponsor and train. I had been to soooooo many events previously, and had met a ton of people who wanted the same as I did. They also had a huge 'Why' and wanted much better than what they had currently. Some people call it a cult, some a scam and some say it is just happy clappy shit, but for me it was my saviour. Plus, there were some really good looking guys at these events, mostly gym owners or Personal Trainers all smiling with big pearly whites. Like a Colgate advert on drugs.

I can't remember or find my original very first FB post about the business, but it went something like this, and feel free to shake your head in shame but please remember it was many many years ago and I was in a state of emotional ecstasy, I had had no training or guidance whatsoever in MLM marketing via social media so I was a newbie so to speak.

'Excitementitis' has kicked in overdrive mode.

"I am in Spain for a business meeting. I am soooo excited, this is going to change all my friends lives. I've seen the figures and you can earn millions, more than at your 'job' ...I'll tell you more when I am home, but for now pm me"

I didn't care if I sounded like a lunatic I was normally just some crazed woman who only posted photos of herself with her Niece and Nephew while walking her dogs in fields and woods, saying what a wonderful weekend or day I had had with them. I didn't care if the friends I knew thought I was mad, I was passed it, I was on a mission to change my life. Decision made and the very first major first fuck up.

The Fakebook Comments

The post was only up for 10 seconds and I had a comment. To be fair I was looking at my phone like an oil driller in Texas looks at his rig with absolute conviction and trust that something phenomenal was going to happen any minute that would save my soul.

The comment was "Hiya hope you have a nice time with Holly" from a mutual friend we both hadn't seen for many years, living in South Wales now with her cat Mongo.

Not exactly what I had imagined. It wasn't the "OMG what are you doing, call me asap" response I thought I was going to get.

No matter, I would sit here and drink my tea and engage....Chat with everyone I knew and tell them all what I was doing in Spain in great detail, by spamming their inbox. It didn't matter if they didn't want to know I simply presumed they would so I would keep talking and talking and talking and talking to whoever would listen or even communicate with a thumbs up.

Eventually though, someone commented "What are you up to Kate?" I obviously took this as meaning they wanted to join my business, travel the world with me, give up their job immediately and bring all their contacts to a business they hadn't a fucking clue about.

I was delighted. Woohoooo Boom I was back in business, wasn't this easy peazy lemon squeezy! And people say it can be hard at first! Ha...no it's eaaassssyyyyyyy!

My response was a public comment and went like this "It's a network marketing company selling vitamins that you can make millions from just telling 3 people. I'll call you and tell you all about it"

I even put the company link in the comment...

The second fuck up.

All common sense had left in a puff of smoke and all business sales training had flown out of the window

When I was at college hundreds of years ago I studied Psychology and one of the classes I remember well was called 'emotional state'.

When people are excited we think and behave very differently. Emotional states always trump rational thinking.

Yep I was I definitely emotional.

Excited people are also far more likely to make a decision and be impulsive. Yep, that's me too. I am the biggest sucker when I see a teeth whitening advert or new hair straightening device.

I was meant to be 'marketing' and creating excitement, but noooooo I was doing none of that with this post, instead I was the excited Kermit frog thats was turning every person who read my post completely 'off'. Somewhere at the back of my brain I understood a thousand percent and knew from sales training for years that only an emotive post or sales pitch can turn people 'on', yet here I was doing the opposite.

It was like an alien had taken over my brain, all those years of saying 'thank you' for my feet every morning, 'thank you' for my arms and legs in the shower, 'thank you' for the 'best thing that happened today' and opening my purse every day to see my gratitude rock and smiling at it, was 'finally' paying off. Apparently.

I did far more than that by the way, and still do....but that's for another blog much later in the 'Fuck Up' series.

All sensibility had long gone I was in a state of sheer joy. I had a new Chloe bag, my friend back in my life and I was about to resign from my job while sat on a balcony in Spain....what could be better.

Sitting at the balcony table my brain whizzing again I was writing names down on an A4 sheet of paper and thinking who would love this and I kept looking at the first name I wrote down.

I shouted to Holly "I'm calling Michelle, she'll do it"

Michelle was due to go on holiday that afternoon from the UK so she said, "Look, call me next week when you're home and I am, we can have lunch you can tell me all about it and I'll join up. I have no idea what it is but if you have spent 2 years looking and now found 'it', then I'm in." She put the phone down and flew off to Barbados.

I looked up at Holly, smiled and said I have my first one.

Holly's response was "What the hell that was quick"

We then went to the beach for the afternoon, feeling all chuffed with myself and thinking 'fuck me this is easy'.

Little did I know and even less do they tell you....

Disclaimer 1. 'This blog contains discriminatory content which some may find offensive'

Disclaimer 2. “This is a work of creative non-fiction. All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of the author’s memory. Some names and identifying features have been changed to protect the identity of certain parties. The author in no way represents any company, corporation, or brand, mentioned herein. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.”