The Neighbour.

My Seventh Blog. I Swear A Lot. Taking The Bull By The Horns With This Company, I Believed I Was Going To Be Propelled Around The Globe As The New Poster Girl Diamond Superstar.

At the end of the last blog, Number 6, I had arranged a meeting with Michelle and she was due to come to my house so we would call Holly together who as we know was my sponsor in Spain. Holly could then explain some more about the compensation plan, the products and tell her 'story', far better than I could as I was still away with the Networking Fairies and talking Unicorn Butterfly shite to everyone I met.

I mean really who looks for people to ask on the street if they hated their jobs or wanted 'freedom'.

FFS

We were both sat in my kitchen that morning and we were laughing and recalling a few years before when Michelle was part of another MLM company and the products were tubs of red and green pills that had to be taken on alternate days. As you can imagine that alone totally confused me by day three and after that I never took them again. I remember selling them at a car boot sale for pennies a year later.

Michelle didn't entirely entice me into buying these magic pills or give me the soft approach but instead 'told' me I needed to have them for my 'health' and as I was her very good friend I should support her in her new venture.That was it, there was no chat, no look at this miracle picture, only 'do it' and let's do it now.

Back then I was a real sucker. I even bought a years dental insurance once for a friend who was door knocking, I joined a wifi Network for another friend, I bought perfumes, in fact so much stuff from people I loved to help them out. Was I actually a soft touch or did we just call us supportive friends? I'd like to think just friends.

I was never going to refer people to the magic red and green beans and Michelle knew it, I didn't like the compensation plan as it didn't meet the criteria on my list and therefore that meant I couldn't move to Bali and earn 'massively passively' and end my days in the sand with fictitious Brad and his long blonde locks and super tanned body and Vespa.

I had a plan and needed to stick to it.

I was always looking to the future and thinking what could this particular business mean for me and where could it take me and how quickly can I get to the goal.

Not so long ago all of our friends bought our online products from us because they wanted to help us with our businesses and they all wanted to see us succeed in our ventures. It didn't matter if we drove around in a leased white Mercedes we had 'won' for selling a million 'Mascaras' that month or a Mini Cooper emblazoned with the Utility companies name. It didn't matter at all, they loved us for our entrepreneurship.

I must have over the years bought so many mascaras from friends, fake tan bottles, costume jewellery, makeup, anti wrinkle creams, and this list goes on. The parties we created at home were the best though, even some Tupperware parties that you could take your mum to would always end in some product sales, wine and a lot of laughter. However, you still couldn't beat a 'Naughty' party for a girls night in laughing....'Apparently'

A Sisterhood of gossip, games, underwear and dildo's. I must admit these parties did slightly terrify me at first. I stuck to the wine and pretended to understand the extra rude jokes about the big black dildo called "Harry The Real feel". Don't forget I was the girl who once found out that her boyfriend was masterbating in the shower while I was away for the weekend and accused him of cheating.

Bless me.

Back to Michelle.

So there we were on a Viber call with Holly listening to her tell her story, as that is what you have to do it's the 'law' in Network Marketing. Tell stories. I listened to Holly asking Michelle a lot of questions, which is the second law and to be honest I didn't say anything, not a single word, which is strange for me. I found it fascinating hearing my friends rise from Northern Pauper to Popular Princess back to Pauper and back again to Princess....She really had been on a journey to be extremely proud of and she told it very well and truthfully. I was moved.

The one part of this conversation I remember clearly was Michelle asking Holly "How can the compensation plan be an infinity bonus?" Now this part I was starting to understand, discussing the money side was cool for me. I loved it. I am a need to know what's in the ducks arse type of gal.

Julie.

As I was on a roll with this '3 tell 3' compensation and we will all be as rich as feck plan, I thought I would be creative and get going on my own and speak to people without a script or phone text and make the whole approach a lot more seamless than I had been advised to do by the professionals. By the way these leaders were earning fortunes every month plus some of them had 40 years of experience in MLM and had all started at ground zero just like me. But no, I am after all an Aries. We just do it. We think we can rule the world but deep down know we would be terrible at it.

I have never been one for taking and waiting for instructions since my driving lesson days, before that I was quite a calm laid back child.

However those days I was learning to drive were painful. My instructor Clive was one of those guys that liked to tell you when to change gear and when to look in the mirror even after fifty plus lessons. Nothing to do with the money each week at all I was paying him from my bagging potatoes job, nooooo he wanted you to wait until he thought he could tell you to change gear. I was so very bored of the same roads and the same traffic lights and the same monotone voice. "Into second and now up to third" Blah blah blah Sweet Jesus I just wanted to put my foot on the accelerator and fly.

I failed my test three times, not that it was Clives fault, no no not at all it was certainly mine, I was an emotional wreck, useless and terrified. Looking back I think he liked me a little too much.

I was actually considering wearing a nurses uniform for the last test so they examiner would pass me as he may think I had a 'proper' job that I needed a car for and when I mentioned it to Clive he grinned in a way that I thought 'Feck that idea' I'd sooner fail again and walk.

The tipping point came when he pulled into a dark tree lined leafy lane one day and took out his packet of holiday photographs, yes that's all just the photographs.....and showed them to me one by one very slowly. They were mostly of himself in his speedo trunks on the beach or by the pool bar with a cocktail and tiny paper brolly popping out of the top.

There is nothing more boring than someone else's holiday photographs, unless you're actually in them! Then it's ok because you want to see you, of course you do. Obviously I wasn't in these holiday snaps with Clive in his yellow small pants and colourful cocktails. When he had finished showing off his 4 star pool in Kos I drove him and his mumbling instructions home to my house, "mirror, handbrake, manoeuvre, second gear, stop at the lights". I leapt out of his Brown Vauxhall Nova and swore never again would I take a lesson with this man. Why was I paying my money to this guy for him to spend an hour showing me his holiday snaps and huge hairy belly, bald shiny red head and burnt nose?

I still felt slightly bad that on one occasion I had knocked his tracking out on the curb and he had to have his tires realigned. To be fair he was a wanker and these days he would be reported.

Back to being creative.

Holly told me I needed a folder. This was easy as I had my own home office full of folders for the banks Uni kids, a huge curved sweeping desk, printer, laminator, shelving units, drawers, boxes of paperclips, plastic paper covers, pens and reams upon reams of paper. I was organised up there in my den, even my highlighters were in rainbow order. I was so happy to get going and as the bank paid for all of my stationery requirements I could go wild in the aisles of 'Staples'.

Holly sent me over a few testimonials, the compensation plan, and some before and after photos of product takers and their phenomenal results and I had to prepare a folder. That was easy I thought, but where was the company PDF's, or the Corporate presentations? I was a little confused.

The first testimonial I ever read was about a lady called Jane and her Nails. This lady has some sort of fungal infection of the nails and had popped some magic pills from the company for a while and the fungus had miraculously disappeared in only a few days after she had endured years of torment by hiding her hands from view. How nice that she could finally have a manicure and not be embarressed. I suppose we all have our issues.

However I had no connection to this woman, I did not know her. I remember thinking for a brief few minutes 'How am I going to be a millionaire by talking about fungal infections of the nail to people and more importantly who the feck has nail fungalitis or whatever it is called? I don't know anyone who has funky nails. I was confused.

I did contemplate joining the 'Psoriasis Of The Nail' Fakebook page for at least a minute and then thought better of it.

It didn't matter at the time too much because I still built my folder and put the niggles to the back of my brain and carried on being organised in my office building a folder. In the end it looked more professional than the banks corporate paperwork, with the company logo and name all over the cover and all ready to go go go.

I had no idea where I was meant to be going though. I was now sat at home with a folder full of fat to thin people, spotty to clear skin, dog miracles, kids with retuning eyesight, a section with circles and the compensation plan that looked like Haley Joel Osment had drawn up.

Any negative thoughts I put at the back of my mind as I daren't question the miracle pills or the plan, or even the boss, I was far too involved now and too excited.

One morning not long after my folder building days I was in my dressing gown, slippers, pyjamas, with my hair dragged up and no makeup on, putting the wheelie bin out on to the main road ready for the bin 'people' to collect later that day. I bumped into my neighbour Julie and she was dressed exactly the same, it was a village code, which meant the just woke up look. We smiled that don't show teeth smile that says "Hi there, please don't speak to me right now as I am in a rush and haven't brushed my teeth and I don't want to breathe on you or anyone"

Yet I did speak, I shouted over the low hedge "Hiya, Good `morning everything ok?" Julie answered "Hmm" between closed lips and I then whispered "I've got something to show you later can I come round how about 7 tonight?"

"Hmmm ok" she mumbled with raised eyebrows and scurried off hugging her gown closer to her to hopefully go and brush her teeth and hair...she must have been thinking "what the hell is up with her she never comes round to my house and we certainly aren't friends".

Nevertheless I was pumped..... another person in the bag towards my team whoop whoop...This is eeasssyyyy. Whoop whoop, shaky bum dance and tongue in cheek smirk.

I'm a winner...winner winner!!!

She will definitely do this, she is a single mum, she works in a school as a mentor with kids who drive her mad apparently and doesn't earn huge amounts of money as she is part time, why would she not do this business, what's not to like? A no brainer.

That evening I had walked the dogs early, fed them and had a shower and washed my hair, not like me for a Tuesday evening. I put a dress on, high heels, a really nice coat, picked up my folder, checked it was all there and in order, grabbed my briefcase, put the shiny lips on for business, threw in spare pens and a new notebook with some positive "I can do anything" quote on the cover and left the house like I was ready for day one at the bank, spot on 7pm.

I walked the three steps to my garden gate, turned left, three more steps, left again and knocked on Julies front door. I stood there looking like a Colgate whitening strips door to door salesperson, all smiles, teeth and perfume.

She came to the door carrying a plate of piping hot pie and chips, and somewhat surprised to see me. First thing she asked was "Is your car blocked in?"

"Errr no" I said "I did say I would pop round?"

"Oh yeh. Come in" Julie said, wearing her dressing gown and slippers again.

So in I went. I apologised as she was eating, but sat down in a lounge chair anyway, a big grin on my face paying attention to my posture and crossing my legs sideways just like air hostess training school taught me to, with my huge folder on my knee and smiling widely ready to pitch.

By the way don't ever do that, it's not cool, you look a twat, are a twat and will be remembered as a twat.

We looked at each other for a few seconds and then I realised I had to start talking as she was eating a pie with a fork and dripping gravy on her dressing gown not acknowledging I was dressed differently and out out of my pyjamas.

I went straight into some excitable story about going to Spain to see my friend and her doing really well and me wanting to do really well too and we will all be rich very soon and and and and and...

Not once did I stop for air or listen to my tone of voice or ask Julie anything about her and what she wanted in life. It was all about me, it was my story and making money for me and then others in my team. I did show her the compensation plan from the folder, I drew some circles in my new book and I mentioned Jenny the fungal nail lady and the baby with really bad head scalp psoriasis. Probably not the best idea while she was still munching on the mince meat pie but I did anyway.

At one point Jenny got up and walked to the kitchen returning a few minutes later with a pack of cigarettes and a very large glass of wine for herself. She had placed the half eaten pie on the kitchen worktop. Looking back I think she must have thought to herself "I need this". She offered me water.

So on and on I went, rambling on about vitamins and shake powders and different levels of the compensation plan and passive incomes and the more I talked the more she glazed over and the more she smoked and the more she drank.

After two hours I thought she was nodding off as she was saying very little and so I said "I'll leave a brochure with you". I placed it on the coffee table next to her as she stared at me through half open eyes and I left.

How rude I thought, I had washed my hair for this meeting.

The problem being Julie didn't know it was a meeting as I hadn't made that clear from the get go.

Again another HUGE fuck up. Don't do it. Your neighbour doesn't want you to sell at them, yell at them or tell at them...they just want a neighbour.

Be kind, be caring and be considerate. If you think they will love what you do then ask them about them and certainly don't turn into a corporate sales person when they are used to seeing you in dog walking clothes.

I never spoke to Julie again.

It was not because she ignored me over the hedge anytime she was out in her garden or that she closed the curtains each evening as soon as she got home or that her 13 year old son gave me the finger when I drove past him or that her rubbish bin was now always out before mine or even that a 'for sale' sign appeared in her front garden not long after our meeting...

It was me. Deep down I was embarrassed at my very strange behaviour. I had learned so much at the bank in regards to sales training and had totally ignored it all because I put myself first and not her and her needs. My ego won that day but I did not and neither did she.

Another fuck up.

Disclaimer 1. 'This blog contains discriminatory content which some may find offensive'

Disclaimer 2. “This is a work of creative non-fiction. All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of the author’s memory. Some names and identifying features have been changed to protect the identity of certain parties. The author in no way represents any company, corporation, or brand, mentioned herein. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.”