The Recon.

My Third Blog. I Swear A lot. This Is The Story Of How I Researched MLM And How I Spent Far Too Long Number Crunching And Not Enough Time Doing.

Let's rewind to just before I turned 40. A time in my life as you know from my previous blogs, where I was a sad, lonely, wine guzzling, childless, spinster. Basically, I spent my time on dating sites such as POF or Tinder trying to find a 'man' while being covered in layers of dog hairs . Of course...I was a real catch for the male online dating community that mostly consisted of married men, stalkers and the 'newly reformed'.

The Bank Job

The office wasn't one office it was approximately 200 separate micro offices, all open plan, on 5 floors, and originally designed as an indoor shopping centre. There were 9 car parks and a shuttle bus service every 20 minutes to take you to and from your car. Within the building there was a Starbucks, WH Smith, Dry Cleaners and 8 Restaurants. I needed a bloody big map so I could find my way home to my satellite desk.

I had a very nice company car with a wardrobe full of trouser suits, high heels, lots of lip gloss, pointy nail extensions and my hair was ALWAYS shiny and cut to a perfect bob. My makeup was immaculate and put on with perfection. I was extremely lucky as I was being paid a high grade with lots of commissions that went with lots of targets. I attended a shit load of meetings about fuck all really and often ste there and thought "Well that's not going to work" and it usually didn't. There were a lot of 'Just out of Uni' types in my team, in fact most of them were and they hadn't a bloody clue what they had joined. To be fair a few of the Uni team did actually want to make the banking industry a better place for the world. You can't take away ambition.

I had one young lady she was 21, who didn't know what her job role was as she just accepted the position because it was a 'big' bank, she was qualified and she would have a company car to drive to see her boyfriend who was still at Uni every weekend to have a nice salary.....WTAF

These days I would sooner hug a tree. But back then I was in the 'trap'. The hamster wheel.

The Hotel Room.

There I was after a hard day at the office doing nothing but being teacher and mentor to the Uni kids, so I finished my wine at the hotel bar and headed to my room.

I called the dog sitter, checked she has fed and watered my babies, scrubbed my face, had a battle with my teeth whitening strips, another battle with the air conditioning unit and fell into bed exhausted.

My phone pinged and it was my friend and ex colleague, Natalie. A really great scouse girl, loads of fun and a little entrepreneur. She text me to say, I should definitely come with her to a Network Marketing meeting the very next Saturday in Liverpool.

Hmmmmm what the fuck was she talking about but it did sound interesting.

Here's the thing, Nat knew I was a huge fan of 'The Secret' so she was really pushing the meeting and telling me "It's what you've been looking for" blah de blah de blah "You won't change anything unless you go and find out Kate". Blah blah blah blah blah

So obviously....I said yes to the meeting if only to see her and grab a long overdue coffee. At this point I still believed that if you read 'The Secret' you just sat back and waited for the miracles to happen and Mr Right would just knock at the door and I would suddenly arrive in Bali.

I didn't even ask what Network Marketing was, how much money it was to join, what the product was...basically I didn't ask a thing. Nothing. Fuck all. It was a day out..

I had other things on my mind to be honest, I had a crisis to deal with as I had wasted one of my teeth whitening strips down the sink FFS.

My First MLM Meeting.

So, we get out of our cars, have a hug and head into the unmanned reception of a warehouse building. There is literally no-one there. Have you seen 'The Walking Dead' series? It was a little like that. You know where the good 'people' search for food and get attacked by the 'Walker zombies' who hide in cold storage fridges and cupboards ready to eat them. Aha like that.

Finally we heard a voice from upstairs shouting "Come up, we are upstairs in the office"

So, up we go and enter into a huge space with lots of desks all neatly sectioned off and one rather long desk right at the back of the room. Here two ladies sat and infront of them was a pile of brochures and notepads and two chairs opposite ready for Nat and I.

Inquisition time sprung to mind.

Not the friendliest of places to hold any meeting, nor the most calming of seating plans.....I much prefer a round table I thought and better lighting and coffee with a biscuit and smiles.

After the usual very polite introductions the ladies got down to business and were actually very lovely and surprisingly warm in nature.

It turns out that this particular Network Marketing company was new, the products were makeup based and these ladies were the 'Leaders' in the UK. I cannot remember for the life of me the name of the company or their names but they were pleasant enough and 'seemed' to be successful in their field, yet I don't remember any names. I don't make that mistake anymore...

I have since this first MLM meeting, learned a huge amount and one very important point that will help anyone, in any business is to remember peoples names.

As Dale Carnegie famously said, their names are to each of them "The sweetest, most important sound in any language"

Truth bomb right there....

But I do remember asking a few questions.

They were more based on targets and sales, as that is all I knew from the bank and having a team.

"How many sales do I have to do?"

"How many people do I have to recruit a month?"

"How much revenue do I need to generate?"

"How much revenue does my team need to generate?"

"How many people can I have in my team?"

I can't remember any of the answers either. What I do remember though was that if I moved country I couldn't take my team with me and I would have to start all over again. Well that's not bloody fair is it I thought. All that bastard work for nothing and for it to roll up to someone else. No way was I going to do that. Green as Grass yes but not bloody daft.

At this point I switched off and let Nat talk. However, my mind was whizzing around over a few other things.

What if there was an actual company out there that did allow me to build a team and be the digital nomad I suddenly craved to be anywhere in the world? What if...

The Obsession Had Started.

I muted POF and Tinder.

Little Craig from Wigan who I was dating and who wouldn't ever leave Wigan as he told me it's "Best place int world" can scurry along and find himself a lovely Wigan girlfriend who wants to stay living in a cul de sac and eating pies.

I was far more interested in researching MLM companies that ticked everything on my 'Desires List'. No more drunken midnight chats from me, I am an extremely serious business woman from now on.

Apart from Friday nights and then it's time to unmute the laptop and head to Aki's corner shop and grab a bottle of their finest Pinot.

The obsession had begun, so I created folders, lists of companies, telephone numbers, contact details, and mostly read about this amazing new world that was about to change my life. Finally I might be the underwater photographer in Bali I wanted to be...Swimming with dolphins daily, having long blonde beach locks, a skinny ass, a bikini that just about held my boobs in and Brad... From Wisconsin and not Little Craig from Wigan.

I started to call these UK based MLM companies, and slowly but surely got into a routine with my questions and an understanding of their different compensation plans. Obviously not them all fully, not a chance in hell, but how could I best build a team and make the most amount of money. It got a lot easier the more recordings I watched and the more I started to understand that the MLM companies were all building a free sales force, and the sales force were building a second income. A perfect match.

The first step I took was to ask to speak to the most 'successful' person from the company that lived nearest to me. I wasn't a fan at the time of webinars as I wanted to meet the person that could possibly be my 'sponsor' and have that face to face meeting to see if I liked them and could work with them.

Anal or what...

Some companies couldn't help as they didn't have someone in my area, so I did attend a few webinars, I did travel to huge conference centres for mass group meetings and listen to their chants, I did meet a few 'leaders' for coffee and I did get hooked on the whole 'MLM is going to change my life' concept.

Unfortunately, I was hooked on finding the exact, perfect, business and not just jump in and learn from some of the best. A huge waste of time sat on trains and motorways.

I 'needed', the product to be amazing, it needed to be a fair price for the members and a decent enough price that commissions were good, it needed to have been 'around' for years, it needed to have members in my area I could work with and bounce off, and it needed to be global company so I could run off to Bali and have sex with Brad.

I was very 'needy' just like the Uni kids.

What I didn't do was join any of them. Not one of them ticked all my boxes from my list.

I'm also stubborn, so if it hasn't got 'exactly' what I want then It's not happening.

So after, a couple of years, spending a goddam fortune and travelling the country trying to find my perfect company for my perfect life, I found myself sat on the sofa again talking to another fish.....

Little Craig from Wigan had moved on and found a new Mrs Fish, that actually did want to live in a bungalow on a culde sac when she retired so she could be near her grandkids. She was 45 and had no grandkids but that is what she wanted for her future and Craig was the perfect match, so I was very happy for them both.

Flash back moment of Little Craig.....

I remember when he came to visit for the weekend and we nipped to the 'local' for a vino because he wanted to meet some of my neighbours. I was shitting myself. I had kept him a secret so far. So off we went, now Craig was smaller than me and I'm no Ostrich, so once in the pub he kept grinning at everyone, and shouting loudly to everyone he met 'Hiya, nice to meet you, I'm dating Kate", like Jack Nicholson, thinking he was cute but no, he wasn't. After an hour or so, I 'told' him we were heading home. I could not take the grinning any longer or the weird locals looks.

As we walked in to my little cottage, the stairs were directly in front of the hallway. He grabbed my hand and 'somehow' threw me on to the stairs gently I must admit. I was facing him, looking up thinking 'WTAF' is happening here. He then lay on top of me on the stairs, covering my face in kisses, while I squidged my face up tight rather like a gurn and he promptly said "You know don't ya" In that low deep voice that 'some' 80's porn stars used.

"I know what" I said, rather like a a confused fox in headlights

"You know...you know what I mean" he continued on...

My rather annoyed response was "I haven't a FUCKING clue what you mean, now get off me, you're going to break my back on these stairs"

He stood up, glared at me and left me on the stairs, walked into the living room and through to the kitchen and I heard him rustling around looking for his coat.

We both knew it was over.

As I looked to the front door there was one little shoe just lying there, hiding behind the umbrella stand and upside down, all lonely and sad.

So that left me sat on the stairs, covered in kiss slaver, feeling bad, looking at the one shoe and thinking he must be limping around the kitchen in his little socks. Then I smiled and thought 'Hurry up will you and come and get this shoe before I start laughing and make things even worse"

I'm sorry little Craig you weren't for me.

Sofa Surfing

Sitting on the sofa again, my candles on and twinkling away, another glass of red wine, and dreamy Brad had faded into the distance, my imaginary bikini body was getting larger in reality and the expensive diving watch I had saved in my basket on Amazon I deleted.

The experience was amazing, I loved it, and looking back now, I knew I had made humongous mistakes, but then again, did I?

Was the universe telling me to wait, telling me to sit my ass back on the sofa and wait for "The Phone Call"

Yes it was....

Disclaimer 1. 'This blog contains discriminatory content which some may find offensive'

Disclaimer 2. “This is a work of creative non-fiction. All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of the author’s memory. Some names and identifying features have been changed to protect the identity of certain parties. The author in no way represents any company, corporation, or brand, mentioned herein. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.”